The gum chewing

 How annoying is it when someone chews gum? I don't even know how to describe gum chewing in text, but it should be banned from the office totally! I am amazed with the things that do or do not get banned from the office.

Banned items in the office:

·         Flip-flops - Because they make a slapping noise.

·         Headphones - Because people can pretend to ignore others :)

·         Sweatpants - I don't really get this one, I work better when I am comfortable.

·         Cleavage - Because I don't care to see your areolas or your potential career at plumbing.

·         Piercings - Not sure I get this one, I have been told to be more artistic in my style of dress, I think I might get studs put into my temples.

·         "Un-natural" hair colors - Again, an item I don't get, have you seen old people? Old Women have purple, black, red, pink and blue hair when it is clearly not natural to be anything but gray! I am damn sure my boss hasn't ever had that hair color or at least not for the last 20 years...

Proposed banned items:

·         Gum Chewing with your mouth open or at all - Get a mint it lasts longer and isn't annoying, unless you are suckling them, then mints are also banned.

·         Brushing your teeth or using mouthwash in the kitchen - If you can't pee in that room you shouldn't be brushing or scrubbing any part of your body either.

·         Speaker phone - Get a conference room, this is so beyond distracting!!!

·         Farting - cringe.

·         Close-talking - arm length distance please.

·         VPL - 'visible panty lines' - Men and Women, Seriously? I get that people have to dress like idiots in the work place but if I can see what is under your clothes I would prefer you put on more layers, or get bigger clothes.

·         Answering questions with questions - Unless this is a game, then it is ok.

·         Using strange and outdated sayings to be anything but funny - Do not start a sentence with "Say, " (we get that you are saying something), I am not "hip to that", I don't care to hear that something is a "matter of fact" (especially that it is of your opinion), “nifty”, or anything else that you cannot figure out that no one else says anymore.

·         Cooking fish in the kitchen - I have no interest in smelling this or leaving smelling like your lunch.

·         Computer notification sounds - Annoying! I don't want to hear bings, burps, frogs or other nonsense to tell you that you have gotten mail.

·        Playing with your junk in your pockets – gross! Did anyone teach you to take your hands out of your pants in public?

·         Cursive – I think in this day everyone should use a computer; cursive is unacceptable outside of personal notes.

·         Banana Clips & Scrunchies – Because I hate them.

·         Fax machines - I hate them, so they should be banned.

Proposed additions to my work week:

·         Opposite day - Better if you don't tell the boss about it too!

·         PJ day - who didn't love this day in school?

·         Pick your DJ day - I get to control the radio, and if you don't like it you can wear headphones.

·         Learning day - A lovely time to show idiot co-workers how to do their jobs without calling them out. Scratch that we might need more time than a day at my office.


Anything I am missing?