The F-ing Asshole

Here is the great thing about me, I have heard that I "can't" succeed, that I don't do things traditionally, or that I am not to be taken seriously so many times that I am immune to it. Basically I don't give a fuck about what someone has to say about me or my work, here is an example for my rant today.

Setting Boss and I are about to make a conference call to Asshole on why he hasn't been responding to me. Asshole is not aware that I am going to be on the line.

Boss: Hi Asshole I was wondering if you got a chance to look over the e-mails that Curly has sent to you?
Asshole: Yeah, how old is she anyway? Doesn't she know how to pick up a phone?


What I would like to say is hey Asshole, I was told to e-mail you by your superiors. Asshole you are an asshole, my age could not even be relevant in that question or statement unless you have insecurity about how ugly you are or how old you are. Asshole.

Today, Asshole has sent us edits on a document specifically trying to target me again because he thinks I wrote them, which the funny thing is his superiors had the final edits, so his asshole comments are not really insulting to me as much as they will be to Boss when she reads them. And he took out an entire section that he is paying for.

So Asshole, I don't give a fuck about what you have to say. My age, sex, nor background has anything to do with anything you are talking about or criticizing. Asshole you are just an asshole.

The interuption

I have spent the last 2 weeks convinced that I am going to get fired. OK lets be honest, I have spent the last 90 days convinced that I am going to be fired. I am not sure if I actually will be, I have not received any warnings but a lot of strange feedback. I feel like I speak alien sometimes, and my boss looks at me like it pains her to hear me speak. I don't know whether to be quiet or just convey my inability to speak alien.


And Ducky is moving spaces in our office, boooooooo.

The validation

SO I am happy to say I am NOT crazy and my friends got to hear from another mouth how nuts April is/was. I couldn’t have made all of that stuff up!

I have been noticing an old acquaintance from my old work place in my neighborhood and could not place him for the life of me. Turns out he works in a local restaurant and we happened to sit in his section last night. When he remembered me we began talking about everyone we used to work with, including the crazy April.

I swore when I wrote this blog that I wouldn’t tell anyone about who I was or where I worked but it was so worth sharing last night! After catching up I asked him to share his opinions of April with my friends. He said she was absolutely out of her mind and shared a story with my friends about the time when she came over to his side of the office yelling after me.

Ah validation, you are a great feeling J.

The whiplash

How does a summer start low, even out, get crazy fun then end up low again? I feel like I have whiplash.

On my plate for the next month:
- Finding a new roommate so someone will be able to find me when I am attacked by my crazy cat.
- Being a MOD in my (younger) sister's wedding, where YES the movies are true, I am super happy for her but am not happy that I am not even close to being there yet.
- Sorting out feelings of being dumped twice in one summer. Not to say that I really care about those people but I need to figure out what I am looking for now that I have a big girl life.
- Remodeling various parts of my condo (which would not be a huge deal if everything wasn't leaking water everywhere).
- Finishing a painting that I desperately need to get out of my place.
- Figuring out where these super intense migraines are coming from before I go insane or lose my new job.

Add that to all of the other crazy shit that goes on in my life and I can't find room for desert. I am feeling a little low right now, I love desert :(...

The work treats

Work treats can be a multitude of fun things, mostly they are the days when your boss is out and profanity is strangely acceptable among the minions.

Then there are the Kudos you get when you do a good job, and at my new place of business they are little notes like trophies. I LOVE getting these!!!

But the best is when you can bond with Charles on the day you thought was going to be a rough and crappy day. Ducky was out and Charles and I were talking about our projects which led to me telling him how nervous I was about what I was doing. He actually started talking to me about how he was too, then we bonded. It was lovely, all warm and fuzzy and happy feeling J…

I love work treats!

The Twin & the Dead

I met a new work twin, I will call her Envy. She is about as good looking as I am (I really like the way I look) and has a mouth on her like a trucker similar to my own. It was almost like being on a date with a really hot chick because every one's comments really weren't that funny and ours were. She made me extremely happy to be around because she totally 'got' my jokes. This is very rare even if you know me for someone to understand my jokes and sarcasm. She even thinks the world is ending and that plots are constantly happening (this is where envy comes in, I can only fathom diseases in this regard world issues are beyond my scope).

She also has this great way of being creaped out by gingers (perhaps more than I), she thinks their skin looks like it has been under water for weeks.

The new boyfriend thinks that I should plan another lunch with Envy. But like a dating situation I don't want to come across as over eager to see her again for fear of scaring her off.

So in my dead time this week, becuase my idiot co-workers didn't meet a set deadline, I am stuck trying to plan how to meet with Envy to discuss life again... Suggestions??? It would really be fun to have someone more than Ducky at work, not that Ducky isn't great.

The Next One

With my new career at a new company, I am quite sure of these things...

• I am a stupid, that needs to not slop through my work and slow down. I Screwed up 3 reports this way so far. Damn!
• I am quite sure my boss thinks I am a moron, although I am not sure if this is a bad thing yet.
• My male co-worker hates me because I am super excited in the mornings.

So the new Boss I will have to same Sarah. She is amazing, and I might say that I would like to grow up to be like her one day, but I don't know her that well and she is not really older than me. I love her energy, the way she speaks (she has a bit of a lisp and I have always wanted that)and her hair! I might have a slight crush. Her thinking that I am a moron might not be such a bad thing just yet, I will continue to stroke her ego and hope that she feels the need to 'take me under her wing' so that I can feel her out a bit more. I also love that we are super awkward when speaking about anything but work :).

I thought Sarah was going to yell at me this week for making so many stupid mistakes, but it turns out she liked how I do analysis because we both took different positions and went from there. So I had a great meeting and I am super excited for the lead on the next project!

My co-worker that sits next to me shall go by Ducky. She is hysterical but I am sure that the guy that sits by us hates us because we chat about dumb things and make awkward conversations about our similar families all day. Ducky cracks me up because she is so similar to me, and nerdy like me so it is fun to talk to her about things like Chicago Style writing and APA style writing (I follow none of those btw if you can't tell).

The Guy who sits next to Ducky and myself should be Charles, actually I think his real name should be made Charles because he looks quite 'Charles-y' Monday-Thursday. He doesn't make any small talk and hates that I am so chipper in the mornings. I am making it my mission to get him to like me, and want to tell me about his life.

OK folks back to the massive paperwork that I have somehow managed to stay on top of...